Feel Good February
This month, KinesiAlice has partnered with Feel Good February to spend the entire month focusing on random acts of kindness with a feel good focus. Read on to see how you can get some of those feel good vibes. KinesiAlice explains what a true gift is and why feelings are attached to memories and how this connects to Feel Good February.
Gifts Without Ribbons
When I got married a few years ago (ok, 18 years ago), we had a reading at our wedding called Gifts Without Ribbons. The basic premise of it was to be on the lookout for things that don’t necessarily look like gifts. Even though they are not wrapped and tied with a ribbon, does not mean they are not a gift. And equally, just because it has a ribbon around it, it doesn’t mean it is a gift. A gift doesn’t have to be a tangible thing. It can be a kind word, an act, even a smile. A gift doesn’t have to cost a thing. It’s a reading I chose, and I still remember it to this day.
If you’re giving with expectation, you’re doing business, not kindness
Have you ever heard this saying before? It’s actually quite true, this saying. A gift is never a gift when there’s an attachment to it. I notice this a lot around birthdays and Christmas – we often give a gift with the expectation that we’ll get something in return. Is this really a true gift? I would say it’s not. When we attach expectation to something, and we don’t get what we expect in return, this can create disappointment or resentment. These negative feelings then erode anything we felt in relation to the giving.
Another interesting thing I see is a sense of obligation in gift-giving. It’s seen to be a chore, and that’s where the rise in cash and cards as gifts comes from to some degree. Why are you giving a gift if you really don’t want to? That’s also a business, because it has become a transaction, as opposed to something that comes from the heart.
Here’s another thought – and this might be a challenging one. Watching someone open a gift can be enjoyment – this is also a gift with expectation. You are still attached to getting something out of it – the enjoyment – which still makes the gift come with ribbons, expectations. Often, you are also expecting a thank you. Would you have given that gift if you couldn’t see it be opened? Would you feel differently if the recipient didn’t say thank you? And the hardest question – why do you need that? Why do you expect it?
Makes you look at gift giving in a whole new light, doesn’t it?
Give without expectation
So much easier said than done, and yet so much more rewarding in a true sense. The true gift comes without expectation, attachment or obligation. The gift doesn’t have to be a thing. We have too many things. One of the great things we can learn in life is to have just enough.
My lovely friend Kirsty Farrugia of Feels Like Home Professional Organisers always pops into my head when I talk to people about the concept of enough, and our attachment to things. She is excellent at helping you to declutter what you don’t need, you can find her business here. She has a great podcast called The Art Of Decluttering, which I highly recommend you listen to!
I digress…..
Having enough – we often collect things because we feel like we are not enough. Not valuable enough, not strong enough, not happy enough, not thin enough, not pretty enough – all variations of not feeling enough. So we try to fill the void with things, and we show our love and appreciation sometimes by giving things.
What else can you give but a thing? How about time? Conversation. A hug. Help. Support. A listening ear. These are all great gifts to offer someone – they don’t cost a thing, they don’t take up space. Well – except in someone’s heart. Think about the last time someone did something nice for you, or even gave you something meaningful. It wasn’t really the thing, or the act – it was about how it made you feel. That’s what you remember – how it made you feel. Feelings are so important – memories attach to these feelings, and when you remember, you remember how it made you feel.
I remember when I was a little girl, and I wanted a Cabbage Patch Doll so badly. Yes, I know I’m back to things – stay with me. I remember not seeing it at the end of the bed at Christmas, and feeling devastated because Santa didn’t give me the one thing that I wanted more than anything in the world. Then I remember my mum telling me to have another look at the end of the bed, and I found my Cabbage Patch doll, Eleanor! I was so very happy, and hopelessly in love with Eleanor.
That was over 30 years ago, and I still remember it vividly. I can see Eleanor’s face, I can see my childhood bedroom, I can see Eleanor’s clothes, the signature on her bum, everything about her. I could not tell you one other thing that I got that day. I don’t have Eleanor any more – I had to throw her out a few years ago after my cat destroyed her. But why do I remember this so vividly? There were lots of things I wanted as a kid, but few things made such an impression as Eleanor. Because of how it made me feel. I can still find that feeling, and the sheer memory of Eleanor brings back that feeling instantly with no effort.
You don’t always remember events, but you will remember how they made you feel.
So often these days, we feel stressed, overwhelmed, harried, angry, sad. We don’t often hear people talking about how good they feel. We have a tendency to focus on the negative much more easily than the positive.
In my clinic, I work with how people feel. They’re not coming to see me because they feel good. They feel, sad, sick, angry, depressed, overwhelmed. Sometimes they don’t feel anything. But they don’t feel good. They don’t feel happy. They don’t feel calm. Or peaceful. Fortunately they usually do after they’ve been to see me! I always give my clients homework – to change their daily habits so that they can continue to feel good regularly, and help themselves.
Feel Good February
I want to give these empowering feelings to as many people as possible, and that is why I have decided to support Feel Good February – an initiative by Linda Pang. Her vision is to lift the vibe of the world by promoting good deeds and random acts of kindness. I stumbled across this fantastic initiative by accident, and I wanted to be a part of it!
You can check out the website of Feel Good Feb right here. There’s lots of great ideas for random acts of kindness that are free and low cost. I challenge you to do a random act of kindness (RAK) each day in February – there are only 28 days – and help someone else feel good. I love random acts of kindness because they really align with my values around giving without expectation. This is exactly what a random act of kindness is!
I also focus on looking after yourself with my clients too, so I want to take Feel Good February one step further. I want you to make sure you send some of those random acts of kindness towards yourself. How often do you do things for yourself? How will you feel when someone sends a RAK towards you? How will another person feel when you send a RAK their way? So – how about sending some of those good vibes your way? Doing something kind for yourself will help you towards feeling that you are enough – because you’re enough to be kind to. Being kind to yourself is equally as important as being kind to others.
Do it – spread those kindness vibes everywhere
Each day this month, on Facebook and Instagram, I will be focusing on a Feel Good word or thought of the day. Head over and participate in the discussion, and bathe in the feel good vibes of Feel Good February.
Please share thoughts or ideas you have, and RAK examples that you have. I’d love to hear all the great ideas and actions that we all have – spread the love!
Share this post with your family and friends so you can all benefit from Feel Good February.
Thank you Alice, for your thoughtful blog on giving, the reasons why you would like to encourage people to participate in random acts of kindness & supporting Feel Good Feb. I love your idea of a daily word or thought- positivity is so important and leads to increased happiness! Let’s have fun this February!